Recently, I have been the subject of (atleast one person’s) hatred. See, I occasionally do some music reviews for the website www.crowdsurfer.net, and someone took offence to something I said about a band. It isn’t the best review I’ve ever done and I’ll happily admit that, but the album contained very little that actually qualified as music so I believe I was entirely justified in slating it and making fun of it. Sure, there were instruments being played, and something resembling a singer, but that’s it.
They were a ‘tech metal’ band by the name of ‘No Consequence’ (check out their myspace if you like). Now, I’m terrible with genres – I rarely bother to classify a band as a specific ‘type’ of music and I just write about whether I liked it or not. So based on the only ‘tech metal’ band I know of – tech metal is shit. It consists of trite riffs, generic EVERYTHING and some of the most hilarious ‘vocals’ you’ll ever hear. Like a pissed-off cookie monster coming off the back of a gravel-eating binge. It doesn’t help the sound at all, and ruins whatever meager enjoyment that could have been wringed out of the actual music. I just don’t see anything remotely ‘technical’ about it, as the inclusion of that very word implies some sort of skill is involved. Like ‘technical’ drawing is all specific lines, measurements, angles and that sort of thing.
Obviously not every band that falls under ‘tech metal’ is as bad as this. It’s just that I’m not aware of who is included in this little club. I hear Architects also carry this label, and they’re quite good. Or, at the very least, have some skill on show in the music they make.
But anyway…someone took offence to me lambasting the bag o’ shite, and called me out on it. I replied, and tried to hide the fact I was annoyed at him, behind a curtain of childish wit and faux-friendliness. I was also acutely aware I may have been feeding a troll. I think I managed to justify myself, and also pull him up on a few little things from his comment. For example, he used the name of the drummer from Dream Theatre – was I supposed to think it was actually him? Or was that just a screen name? Also, telling a music reviewer to go listen to other bands as a way of pointing out how bad he is is only going to make the music reviewer do just that…(well, apart from Coldplay). Add to that the fact that neither Coldplay nor the White Stripes have appeared anywhere on our site (I think), and he has the makings of a classic idiot.
So I replied, justly.
BUT THEN! I got a second comment. This time, from a man named ‘James’. James was friendlier, and seemed to be trying to diffuse the situation. He said, quite politely, that he disagreed with me, and thought the band was good, and even gave some comparisons. He was so convincing in fact, that I replied in a similarly jovial manner. It was only a few hours later when I decided to check something…and yep, James had the same I.P. address as the first commenter. So the odds are, he was the same person. Or at least had access to the same computer. Which, if it wasn’t the same person, I can only assume the first commenter had someone at gunpoint, forcing them to admit they liked No Consequence. Surely there can’t be two people who genuinely LIKE them in such a small area?
But does this mean I ‘won’, because the guy backed down? In as far as it’s possible to ‘win’ on the internet. Which is isn’t.
Damn.
I could attempt to forgive the guy, even though he was trying to hide behind different names – but he was a prick in the first comment, so sod that. Also, I know I was being a prick too. So we’re both pricks. But I’m not going to ever change my opinion on a band just because someone tells me I’m wrong, and I’m not going to only do reviews of music/genres I like. If I did that, I’d be called out for only praising stuff.
Thinking about it, it’s entirely possible the commenter was a member of the band. I mean, the crowdsurfer review comes up pretty high when you Google the band’s name (as I’m thinking this now might – will I get the same response? Probably couldn’t blame the guy…) and they look like they have the ego to Google themselves (Yes, i’m pretentious enough to use ’Google’ is a verb).
If it was a band member who found it, and you manage to find and read this, here is some advice:
If you don’t like bad reviews, make better music. Take criticism, however childish, on the chin. To me, the vocals on offer were hilarious. Listen to them back. How are they not funny? At the very least, reply nicely, explaining what the reviewer might have mistaken, or why they’re wrong. Just giving out a bit of pointless abuse doesn’t work. You lose automatically – no one will think you have a point. The same goes for any fans of the band – rather than making them look good, or me look wrong…you’re just making yourself look like a dick.
Me? I am a dick. I don’t need telling. Thanks though.
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