You may currently be enjoying the invaluable self help posts from Chris, I’ll hopefully be able to cover that oh-so-common of problems; “getting a girl”. As you all know, women can be wily creatures, and far from easy to understand. That is all about to change, and I’m here to help.

The first thing to remember, is that girls are better than you. That might sound weird coming from a guy, but it’s true. This is the most fundamental element of the entire “meeting girls” thing.

You will never hear of a girl actively wanting a boyfriend. The most successful way of winning a girl, to have as your girlfriend, is by being around her enough that she gets used to you. Once she’s used to you, and you’re around her almost all the time, it’s a natural step to simply go out with you.

This does mean you will be “accidentally” bumping into her a lot. This is a good thing, she’ll see you both go to the same places, so must have a lot in common! If you know she’ll be heading to a club, head there yourself. It won’t matter that you’re not with friends, you can join onto her group of friends for the night.

Going to clubs brings me neatly onto my next point. Texting and phoning while you’re drunk. Now this seems annoying, you wake someone up at midnight to ask them if they want to come out or to tell them you just saw their friends. A little text while you’re drunk basically says “I’m thinking of you”, no matter how badly spelt your message is. How would you feel if the girl of your dreams took time out of having fun in a club, to think about texting you. She thought of you over all all of the guys in the club, and all of the other guys she knows!

Girls are soft, gentle and fragile. They like lovey dovey stuff. They want to know how you are feeling, they want you to tell them how you feel towards them. This applies from the moment you meet them. Girls believe in love at first sight, if you think you love her, then let her know! Maybe you’re too shy to tell her to her face, which is fine. Text her, that way you have more time to explain how you really feel.

So you love her, but she doesn’t love you back yet. That’s fine, don’t worry, not everything runs smoothly for everyone.  You need to prove yourself to her. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to be sophisticated, or suave or anything that comes naturally to those guys. There are ways to fake even this; you’re a smart guy, you just need some ideas.

Girls like a hero. There are tons of ways in which you can prove yourself to be more heroic or even just cooler than the next guy. Anything that makes her notice you is good, below is a list of some of the more common techniques.

By far my favourite technique to prove heroism to a girl, is by rescuing a missing pet. Girls absolutely adore their cute little kitten, puppy, hamster, mouse… you get the point. She would be completely distraught if anything happened to fluffles. Now before you go out and kill her kitten, being a shoulder to cry on is all well and good, but it doesn’t take a hero. What you need, is to rescue her pet from danger. Whether that means Professor Barkbark has gone missing, and you need to find him, or Squeekums managed to get himself stuck behind the fridge, you need to be the savior.

“I’m not lucky enough to know someone who’s dog has gone missing, and even if I was, how am I supposed to find it?” I hear you say, and yes you did say that. Fear not! There is an absolute sure fire way of finding her missing pooch. Make sure you know where you put the dog after you kidnap it. Yes, kidnapping her dog, as long as she doesn’t find out, is a perfect way to be a hero. You only need to take the dog to a park, and tie it to some railings for a day or two (don’t forget to feed it!), and by the time your beloved is in a state of worry, there is her savior standing proudly in her doorway, poor little doggie in his arms.
This is a little more complicated if you’re working with a cat, cats don’t usually walk on a lead, and are more likely to see through your plan. I guess what I’m saying is, fall in love with a girl with a cute little dog.

At some point in the near future, I will finish this off. There’s still plenty to talk about, including talking to complete strangers!
Until then, good luck and god speed.

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