Recently, I had the idea of combining everyone’s favourite sexed-up novels with historical figures and locales. This isn’t something I could self-write, because I would probably be rubbish at romance novels and it would end up incredibly silly. Which would be the point, but wouldn’t come out as effectively as simply changing the names of the existing stories. Which, I think, would be hilarious.
So, I contacted Mills & Boon, the biggest publisher of such works, to let them know my idea. I’ve only just fired it off, so I’ll let you know if I hear back. I think it’d be a great idea, appealing to anyone with a dry sense of humour and students, who think anything with a bit of an edge is totally fucking hilarious. Either way, it’d sell like hot cakes and you could even give them to your horny nan who probably wouldn’t know better.
Anyway, here’s what I sent them. Let me know what you think.
from: Chris Welsh <*********@googlemail.com>
to: submissions@hmb.co.uk
date: 7 September 2009 21:42
subject: A Proposition.
mailed-by; googlemail.com
Dear Sir/Madam
I’ve hit upon an idea and humbly request a moment of your time to outline it. I’ve done nothing towards the idea as of yet, as I am certain I would need permission from the original author (and yourselves) to continue. Please read on.
Inspired by the recent success of books like ‘Pride and Predjudice and Zombies’, which took the template and storyline of the classic Jane Austen novel, injected a healthy amount of black humour and the undead, before going on to sell millions around the world, I feel I could tap into a similar vein of story-telling that would utilise the long-standing back catalogue of the Mills and Boon novels.
Justifiable well known for publishing ‘saucy’ reads, and popular to housewives across the globe, your publishing company have built up and amazing reputation in the romance novel arena. However, the only place I can admit to seeing your books is on the shelves in Asda at the knock-down price of £1.99 each, where a young lady stood flicking through one of your steamier novels, guffawing loudly as she did so. This is not the ideal reaction, I’m sure. So how best to appeal to the younger crowd? My idea is detailed below.
Largely, the books themselves would remain as they are, but with minor changes to the character names and setting. It would be relatively simple to do, but would instil a wry humour to them that is so popular to the younger, casual book buyer these days. Simply by changing the names of the character to those of popular, cultural or historical icons, it is easy to envisage your books on sale in the ‘humour’ section of Waterstones, or in the limited selection in stock at HMV. What is viewed largely as a laughing stock to anybody under the age of 30 (no offense) would suddenly become the ideal stocking-filler gift for your friend or flat mate.
Imagine, for a more extreme example, the sultry affairs detailed in any one of the Mills and Boon novels, but starring Hitler and his doting wife Eva Braun, set against the back-drop of Nazi Germany. Or madly-in-love Fred and Rose West. Dog the Bounty Hunter could have an entire series devoted to his escapades. Any sudden pop-culture icon could have their own book churned out within a week. Susan Boyle’s falsified tales of bedtime romps would have had whole legions of student-types rolling in the classrooms. It sounds ridiculous, sure, but black humour is a huge market and it just takes a publisher with enough guts to step into it’s ring, as it were.
The coffee tables of Britain’s youthful, trendy elite wouldn’t know what hit them.
As for me, I would be more than happy to adapt such works. I am a young aspiring writer, having written for music website www.crowdsurfer.net and personal blog www.onlybees.com/b/ , and I have a few other writing projects in the works.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards
Christopher Welsh
Like
