Oooh testicle soup! It’s only bleedin’ January again innit? The calender equivalent to an enema has announced her chilly arrival ushering in her usual three long months of depressing despair. Christmas is over, everyone’s fat and New Year resolutions are quickly being created before just as quickly being shamefully shattered. Deary me, it’s all a tad dreary around this time of year is it not?
Well my friends, like any good book everything has to start somewhere and a new year is no exception, as such I will be using this space to anticipate the countless exciting possibilities a spanking new year can present. A prologue if you will, a preface to twelve momentous months that will dictate an entire decade!
Alas, I digress, forgive me, firstly, an introduction. A formality any new ‘blogger’ must adhere to! My literary (r)amblings have led me to many formats the advancement of modern technology has afforded us during the last ten or so years. I have been fortunate enough to contribute Music reviews to onlybees’ sister site ‘Crowdsurfer.net’ whilst somehow also finding the time to craft an animated chronicle. Yay me! I am extremely excited to now officially commence my turn here at ‘onlybees’ and foresee forcing countless good natured souls whom I bully into friendship to view numerous egocentric entries over the next year!
So, a new year, a new site to scribe for, what a perfect link to throw out my top five hopes for 2010. Sit tight junior, hop on the snake and appear at the following five happenings in some capacity and you may just get to skewer Franny Funbags at the senior prom .
5) Henry Rollins hits Liverpool – 20/1/09
I find having an early new year event lined up helps stave off the morose gloom a desolate January can present. Mondo praise then for bull-necked barbarian Henry Rollins stopping off at the O2 Academy and sharing his amusing anecdotes with a room full of skinny students whose turkey necks he could snap using just his mind. The legendary ex Black Flag belter will be poking fun at life’s little foibles in his usually inimitable manner. Just don’t give him any sass for referring to himself as ‘Hank’!
4) The reignition of the infamous ‘Monday Night Wars’
Yes, I realise this is my first ever post on here and yes I am WELL aware that I am about to launch into a section on wrasslin’ (a topic I wrestled with myself for over an hour before finally giving it’s inclusion the green light, snigger), look, as turgid and uninspired as many of today’s wrestling storylines often are, when an ‘angle’ is delivered right it can still knock your socks clean off. About time then that Total Nonstop Action is finally revving up it’s game and look set to mount a half decent challenge on those evil bigwigs at Titan Towers. Vinnie Mac has had the monopoly over big league wrasslin’ for nine years churning out a thousand underwhelmingly watered down rivalries for every one that is worthy of our hard earned pay per view bucks. With TNA capturing Hulk Hogan and the Dubya Dubya Eee agreeing terms with the ‘Hitman’ Bret Hart we could actually be about to witness some brawn induced brilliance again. Just don’t piss on your legacies boys, well, no more than you already have Hogan you perma-tanned pina colada slurpin’ sissy!
3) The 2010 Comic-Con
The beautiful city of San Diego plays host to the 41st annual weekend-long wet dream for geeks and goobers the world over. Expect Cosplay, a vat of virgins and a brawl to errupt at the candy machine when Edgar cuts in line and steals Spiderman issue one from under Milton’s bespectacled nose.
You stay classy San Diego, God only knows how!
2) One Last Chance get better
For you poor uninitiated few (which translates to everyone besides Marc Griffiths’s immediate circle of friends) One Last Chance are an aspiring trio of punks that dabble in emo-inspired blasts of audio atrocity. I kid, the Welsh based post pop poppets honed their craft remarkably during 2009 putting on at least two extremely entertaining shows that attracted an audience that stretched into double figures. For those of you who may stumble on here by accident you could do a lot worse than direct your clickers to their MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/OLCtheband of course you could probably do a lot better aswell. In all seriousness 2010 promises big things for the OLC, as long as bass humping buffoon Griffiths can escape impending charges over indecent assaults involving a rubber vagina…!
1) The Marty’s go global
Yours handsomely has an annual ego trip know simply as ‘The Marty’s’ a faux awards ceremony that celebrates the highlights that have spanned that particular twelve month period.
Now in it’s third year I have plans to spread the word of my brilliance on a scale that is currently unheard of. Apart from actually hosting a REAL ceremony this time around (well a small bash in Phil’s gaff) I am working on a publishing deal which will see a DVD release accompanied by a black and white hard backed book that will collect all of my postings on this very site along with several (ahem thousand) snaps of me looking all Arty in moody poses.
I’m sure you’ll agree we are all in for one wild ride. HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone, here’s to a wonderful twelve months!
Marty!
