The Mime Diet
A diet plan by Michael Prince. This diet was formulated specially for mimes, and as such should not be approached by anyone without specialist training. There are health risks to this diet, but I believe them to be easy to handle and completely worth the end result. If you suffer any adverse affects, please mime the actions of seeing a doctor.
The first step to this diet, is to stop eating the fatty, horrible, tangible foods you already eat now. The best way to do this, is to completely stop eating food from this point. You have to make a large commitment to this diet for it to work effectively.
Once you get your head around the idea of not eating any other food, no matter how your cravings feel to begin with, and stick to this diet, you are ready to begin. By continuing to read on, you agree to follow this diet completely for it’s full course, and that you are a qualified mime.
Now that you’ve decided to commit, lets reward ourselves. Can you imagine the biggest juiciest greasy burger you’ve ever seen. Covered in melted cheese and grilled onions. Surrounded, on the plate, by heaps of chips. This is your first meal in the diet. You’ve imagined it, now imagine it on the table infront of you. If it helps, grab yourself a plate and put that down first, then imagine the food on the plate.
Tuck in, you deserve it.
I urge you not to read ahead and spoil the diet for yourself. This will likely lead to you only following the bits you want, and not the important and possibly harder to follow parts. I assure you that things will be better all around if you follow this diet strictly, and as outlined here.
I understand that you may feel hungry during this process, but that’s to be expected. You must not, and I cannot stress this enough, resort to eating normal food again, as an easy way out. Sure, it’ll stop you feeling hungry, there’s no doubt about that. It will also stop any progress you’ve made thus far, and set you back to square one.
For your first 2 weeks on this diet, you are free to mime all the meals you would normally eat, to ease you into the routine. If you would have a bowl of Crunchy Flakes for breakfast before work, please get your bowl and spoon out as normal. Put them down in front of you, and then imagine the tastiest bowl of Crunchy Flakes you’ve ever eaten. That’s one of the major positives with this diet, you’ll never eat a sub-par meal again. Your food will all be as enjoyable as you can imagine.
By now, you probably feel very hungry, as if the mimed foods are doing nothing. This is absolutely normal, please do not feel tempted to eat normal food again. You really need to make this commitment, in order for this diet to actually work. As long as you are drinking plenty of water, and getting your three mimed meals per day, everything will be alright.
To take your mind off the cravings, I recommend taking in a show. Maybe go into your garden and mime watching a circus, everyone likes the circus. Maybe clowns aren’t your thing, on second thoughts, what with them being the mimes arch nemesis. Maybe check out a mimed zoo. You could even, if you were feeling brave, mime yourself in a little cage for a while. At the mimed zoo, you even have the chance to mime taking a lion for a walk. Lions are quite strong though, so you might want to mime being pulled around by the lion instead!
Hopefully you are feeling better now, and less hungry. You’ve got another 2 weeks of this diet, before we can start to measure results. If you are still struggling, please feel free to mime a motivational speaker to convince you to stick it out!
You should have been on this mime diet for a little under a month now. If you are following my tips properly, you should have eaten no real food for 4 weeks, and nourished yourself solely with mimed food.
If all went to plan, you’ll now be dead. One less mime in the world, thank god. If you have managed to live this long, and aren’t suffering from any major health problems, you’re doing it wrong. Please go back to the beginning and try again.
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