He’s accidentally locked in a room alone, with his colleague and girlfriend panicking outside. There’s even a little countdown clock, dripping the seconds away to his impending doom. He’s screaming, shouting, banging on the 6-inch-thick glass and generally waving his arms in an effort to, I dunno, take flight or something. Men in white lab coats are dashing about outside. Then nothing much happens, except he’s zapped away and crumbles to dust in a glorious flash of blue. Later, he’s powerful and yadda yadda but it got me thinking.

Having been raised on comics and science fiction etc, I don’t think I’d panic in quite the same way if I found myself trapped in some sort of experiment about to go wrong. I’d assume I’d come out of it at the other end with atleast some sort of useful superpower.

Example 1. Doc Ock, atleast in Spiderman 2, was given huge powerful arms by an experiment . Granted, he really pissed that opportunity into the wind by annoying Spider-Man and practically handing control of his body over to the arms (which was his own fault for putting the inhibitor chip in a prominent place next to a sign that said “Don’t smash this chip please thanks”), but HUGE POWERFUL ARMS. METAL ONES. THAT YOU COULD CLIMB BUILDINGS WITH. I’d go for that.

Example 2. The Hulk. Who is awesome. Who wouldn’t want that?

Most well-known superheroes are the result of some sort of scientific or medical accident/experiment gone awry. So being in such a situation wouldn’t be the end of the world. Well, unless the experiment caused the end of the world, but that’s a different story. It wouldn’t usually be immediate atleast, giving you time to hone your new found power and have a bit of a play about.

Worst case scenario? Sandman. Who, erm, gained all the fantastic power of Sand. Or Daredevil who, although not exactly the result of an experiment, was made slightly less blind and shoved into a pansy red suit. I know he can’t exactly see it, but you’d think someone would tell him he looks daft. Like a special kid who’s allowed to dress himself, and leaves the house wearing nothing but orange stockings and a cape.

Even Dr Gordon Freeman, in the game Half-Life, comes out of his huge scientifical disasterpiece a fucking hero. He doesn’t die horribly, he gets zapped about the universe a bit, then grabs a crowbar and gets fucking busy. He went from boring scientist, shoving carts into boxes at the behest of some disembodied voice, to being SUPER AWESOME COOL MAN and smashing head-crabs like it ain’t no thang. He was even able to keep his silly little beard.

Even if you die, completely and utterly, there’s still the chance someone might rebuild you with *SCIENCE* and make you stronger. Your body might have been fused with incredible amounts of Superidium, or whatever.

In short, if you want to be a hero, get yourself to a lab and hang around a bit. Poke some things. Stick your head where you shouldn’t. Even if you only come out of it with something like a giant hand, it’s still a giant hand. Fer smashin’.