So, today, I happened upon this…

http://www.titanicmemorialcruise.co.uk/

At first glance, it’s a bit of a harmless trip to the scene where the famous Titanic (and most of it’s passengers) met an untimely end at the hands of Mother bastard Nature and one of her giant ice-rocks of death. Sort of like visiting ‘ground zero’ to pay your respects. Except, they’re doing it on a similar sort of luxury cruise ship and almost inviting some sort of vengeful-fate inspired lightning-strikes-twice scenario which results in the deaths of 1000′s. They are, effectively, re-enacting a huge tragedy. You wouldn’t visit the site of the 9/11 attacks by flying a plane into it, would you? For one, it’d be a logistical nightmare, and two, it’d be asking for trouble.

People visit the Auschwitz concentration camps as a tourist attraction, but at least they don’t do it accompanied by a masochistic SS guard with a machine gun. They don’t do it in huge groups, separated into male/female and then get beaten because of their faith. If the organisers of the Titanic trip have any sense of humour, they’ll announce an imminent collision, work every idiot on-board into a frenzy, put the whole thing down to irony and wheel out the brass band. And hide the lifeboats. And drown an effigy of Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, that’ll show all the weirdo’s who think a nice trip to the scene of a cruise liner disaster on a cruise liner is a jolly fucking good idea. Film it, and we can all have a good laugh at their stupid, panicky expense.

The PR spiel on the homepage should read:

“The voyage will then continue to Halifax, Nova Scotia, the final resting place of many who were on board, before sailing on to New York, the Titanic’s ultimate planned destination. MAYBE.” That’d be a laugh. They’re already turning the anniversary of the damn thing into a horrible money-spinning scheme, so why not go the extra mile and do a full re-enactment? Hire in James Cameron to direct from behind the scenes, once he’s finished dicking about with those blue alien things. After all, at least 95% of the over-paid morons on board will only be there because they like the movie; they’ll shit when they find out it was real.

At the very least, they should kneecap any couple (of which there will be many) who stand at the bow, arms outstretched, spouting gibberish.

Anyone who smiles whilst on the ship should be fined £500. There will be no fun had here. You’re on a historical tour of the scene of a tragedy. You wouldn’t giggle in a gas chamber. Wipe that smirk off your face. You prick.

Or something like that.

Like

Unlike