Holy Almost-Finished Story, Batman

Chris — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:20:30 +0000

Oh crap.

I started writing a story around six months ago. A completely fresh one, that started out as just something to pass a few hours of boredom, that went and grew into a great big yarn that I was actually enjoying writing.

And I’ve almost finished it already. Yep, the end is in sight. I know what I need to write and it won’t be long before I’m sat with a complete, fleshed out and readable story in front of me. I sat for two hours today and meticulously planned out the ending. There’s a helicopter and an explosion. You can’t have an ending without those critical elements.

Okay, It’s going to take longer than a week or so to write up, then I need to either learn to draw or find someone else who’ll do it, but I’m nearly there. Nearly.

I’m only posting this up here because I’m excited about it and want to document this feeling. I’ve never finished anything before. Not even close. I’ve got 100+ pages of an epic zombie story sat in my drafts folder that I’ll probably never finish, aswell as 70% of a story that I realised was far to depressing to carry on with. They’re not unfinished because I don’t think they’re good, I just don’t know if anyone else would think they’re good. My newest one is about a Superhero, which is something everyone loves. So it’s target audience is everyone, as opposed to a reduced-number of zombie-nerds with an affinity for classic movie cliches and references. If you’re part of everyone (as everyone is) then it’s aimed at you. Unless you’re a cunt. I’m not writing for cunts. It’s a stupid, quirky, weird yarn about the trials and tribulations of a not-especially-interested Superhero. He only has one nemesis that he knows of, and his only goal in life is to rescue The Girl. He’s set in his ways, and relies on familiarity to get by. The story takes a turn for the worse when someone starts to fuck with the dynamic. And yadda yadda yadda.

It’s never going to find a publisher and I’m not kidding myself into thinking it ever will, but I’ll post it up here when it’s done (probably in installments) and I hope people will read it. I’m also going to print it through Café Press if I can get my head around how that works, just so I can have a copy all nicely printed up for myself. I’ll send it off to some smaller publishers, though, in the hope one of them goes “Meh, s’not awful” and goes with it.

I really want nothing more than my name on the spine of a book I wrote; published and printed for the public to buy if they so wished. That would make me very, very happy.

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Lookeehere, I’m writing about me. Me!

Chris — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:02:53 +0000

Wow. I’ve not done one of these in ages. My reader (whoever you are) will be disa-fucking-pointed in me. My mum, if she read this, would be disappointed that I swore so needlessly. Truth is, I’ve been busy. Way too busy to issue personal missives into Internetland in the hopes of something happening with it and making life slightly more interesting.

The reasons for my busy-ness can mostly be interpreted as laziness which I can’t excuse, or videogames which I also can’t excuse but maybe could write about and therefore justify. I’ll do this in a sec, on another post, so hold tight. This one is more bloggy and for that I apologise.

Another reason I’ve neglected this site (and also

www.crowdsurfer.net, to Liam’s dismay) is because I’ve been writing a book, and I’m insisting on calling it ‘a book’ even though it’s more like an OpenOffice file full of words that will almost certainly never materialise into a book. But it’s still my book, and probably the only thing I’ve written that could stand on it’s own as such. The zombie book I’ve been writing on-off for what feels like a decade (but is only actually around half of that) wouldn’t work because it’s humour is very specific to me and I’m not funny. It could work as a movie, because it could rely on cheap visual gags to get over the crippling disability of the story and characters, but as a ‘Read-y’ it’s broken.

My new ‘book’ is about a Superhero, named Superhero Man, and it’s not really about a Superhero at all. He just happens to be one. I considering using his Superhero-status to work in an allegory for the problems people face in everyday life, but I only thought of this after I’d already written most of it and realised I could probably twist things that way. It isn’t deep or meaningful, and I’m not that intelligent, but if I can cram some faux-psychology into it then by Jeeves I will.

It’s happened quite naturally really, though I wasn’t expecting it to end up like this. It started life as a short story to entertain a girl and pass some time in work about 2 months ago and is now 70 pages long and growing by about two pages a day and I’m making it up as I go along. It’s fun, and I don’t think it’s terrible. The only person to read it and give me feedback so far is Mick. He said it could easily be a kids book, which I’m taking as a compliment to it’s whimsical nature, but the second half of the book is full of murder and swearing so maybe that wouldn’t be such a good idea. Unless kids these days like murder and swearing, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll throw in some knife-crime and aim it at 10 year olds. We’ll see.

It’s taken over everything else I was writing, and I’m eager to finish it so I can get back to writing about zombies and my uninformed opinions about everything the world is doing wrong, but also because I want to print it out and send it to people I know and force them to read it. I might even tie people up and read it on stage in a monotone voice, like Vogon poetry. If I keep people tied up long enough and read it enough times I might be able to induce some sort of Stockholm Syndrome situation whereby everyone present ends up loving me and my book about a Superhero, turning it into the best selling book in that particular room. It’s all about the little victories.

Though realistially I’ll probably post it here when I’m done, to avoid the legal minefield of kidnappings and molestation (if I’m going to kidnap you, I may as well).

If you are reading this, and you happen to know a publisher with lots of money and terribly quality control, give them my email address.

Or, if you’d just like to read it, ask me. Could do with the feedback.

Excelsior!

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Onlybees » superhero man

Holy Almost-Finished Story, Batman

Lookeehere, I’m writing about me. Me!